Character in Red
by freakyanimegal
Summary: A tribute to Lloyd.


I know this isn't really a 'story' but I felt like writing this and had no other way of really sharing it. We all love ToS, but some people have asked me why it is I love it and Lloyd in particular. Well…at first I thought it was a silly thing, something childish, but the more I've thought about it the more I have come to believe that's not true.

When I was young, in middle-school- well actually through my entire school-life, k-12, I was always bullied. People picked on me, threw food at me, stole my homework, made me cry, etc etc…the usual thing you'd expect from bullying. They would say things to me…they would tell me things like…I didn't deserve to exist, that no one would miss me if I died, that I should just go and die, that no matter what I did nothing I did would matter, nothing I was would ever matter.

After years of hearing these things…I started to believe them. You hear something enough…and you start to believe it. I hated myself, I hated living, I believed that I was nothing, that I was worthless, that no one would ever care. I began to hate them, the ones that did that to me, and then I began to hate everyone else, for not stopping them. Then I started thinking of everyone else in the world who was being hurt by people like them, and the people that saw them and didn't' stop them. Soon I hated the entire world.

Then, I hated myself even more, for letting myself hate everything. I believed I was pathetic, vengeful, cowardly, that I was in the wrong. Shortly after that I…for a while, I considered killing myself. Why should I be alive, why should I exist, if nothing I was would ever matter? That's what I thought…I thought it for a long time.

Then one day at the mall, I found Tales of Symphonia in the discount bin.

I took it home, played it, and for a while all it did was entertain me, distract me. The deeper I got, though…the more I realized it was so much more than that. Because of the things said in that game, the things one particular character said, and the people that spoke to him.

So many things, that a little character in red said. 'There's no meaning in dying', 'once you die, that's the end', the way he would get so angry for someone trying to end their life, the way he would vehemently insist that every life had value, just by being alive. 'No life should be born for the sole purpose of dying'….what had I done with my life, I wondered, what had I done, that if I died, dying would've been all I had accomplished?

He wanted to save everyone, wanted to accept everyone, wanted to find a way, to keep trying no matter the odds, to have a world where everyone could live and be happy. Because he valued lives, because he valued every life. I would wonder, would he value mine? If someone like him existed, would they tell me the same? Would they value my life? Would they stop me, would they care enough to, if I was going to take my own?

One part I love so much…when he's talking to his friends 'the Cowards' before the final fight, the thing he says…

'There's a significance in being born, every life has value just by being alive, and if that's not good enough for you, I'll give them another value; they're valuable because they're my friends'.

Was I significant? Was I valuable, just for existing? When everyone I knew told me I was nothing and that I would never mean anything, that I would never matter, that I would never…exist, could it be possible that a little character in red could be right? Could I really mean something, just for being alive? I dared to hope that I could be, that maybe he was right.

I loved how his friends…how in one way or another, he saved each of his friends, emotionally, spiritually, physically…and they all adored and loved him for it, and he didn't even know. Just by valuing and loving them, they all would risk everything for him. Friends, such a strange concept to me at the time; I didn't have any; I never had any, much less friends that would possibly care for me so much.

So I began to dream, to wish that somehow a 'Lloyd' would come into my life, that one day someone would come up to me while I was crying, while I was alone, and ask me what was wrong, talk to me, care about me. I wished for that, for a long time, I wished, knowing it was a silly hope. I never had a 'Lloyd' come into my life, I never had someone who came to me and cared for me like that. So for a while, I despaired, then one day…I thought of something.

If a 'Lloyd' doesn't exist, I thought, if no one like him is going to ever come and 'save' me…then that meant a 'Lloyd' would never come to anyone else either, anyone else I knew that was suffering. That made me even more sad, and I thought to myself….well, if no one is going to be a 'Lloyd' for me, I'll be a Lloyd to others. It was a strange thought, but…my life changed with that thought.

I didn't wait for others to come to me anymore, I went to them. I sought out the people that were by themselves, the people others avoided, the people that were sad. I talked with them, I kept the company, I tried to help them with their problems, I tried to be their friends. It was then that I actually got friends, that I finally had people I could care for, and what was more, people that actually cared about and liked me. It was an amazing feeling, it was better than anything I could have ever hoped.

When no one would talk to me, I listened to a character in red talk to others, when no one would advise me, a character in red said what I needed to hear. I valued my life, I valued other lives, I became determined to help other lives, to do what I could, always to help people, to always try to find the best path, to never give up, to care for people. Perhaps it was selfish of me, that I hoped if I did that, someday I would have friends that loved me the way Lloyd's friends loved him.

It doesn't matter, I suppose, even if I'll never be valued and loved like he is, I still have to do all I can to help and love others. If there is not a 'Lloyd' in real life, then I'm going to do all I can to become one. As silly as it may sound, that's the fact of the matter.

That character in red saved my life; he didn't just save it, he changed it, made me realize what I wanted of life, what I thought of life, what I wanted for people in my life. One day, if I have a son, I swear to God I will name him Lloyd, with the hopes that he'll live up to that name, that he'll become a Lloyd to people, that he will love and care, and that that love will be returned to him.

A character in red; that I will forever love, and forever adore, because he made me come alive.


End file.
